A New Broom Sweeps Clean

Kofi Annan was not happy when John Bolton arrived at the United Nations last week. And the Secretary General's not alone. Gangsters and thugs from Crapistan and Imakruk to Kiikbaak and France know why President Bush sent Bolton to sit in America's chair inside Kofi's Fun House. And they're sweatin' bullets and spittin' up snakes about the sunshine that would expose their sweet scam. Bolton's a smart, tough guy. He's got his orders, he's had all of his shots, he's got the right attitude. And you can bet he has a plan. He would have been in New York months ago but for the pantywaists in the Senate who never would allow a vote on his nomination. But better late than never.... Now it's time to roll up the sleeves and probe the rot that killed the United Nations. And there is a lot of it. The UN is nearly as old as the bombing of Hiroshima, but hasn't been nearly as effective. The first Secretary General of the UN was Alger Hiss, then-soon-to-be a convicted felon who would spend 44 months in prison back when dirty, highly-connected public officials went to prison. Over a span of sixty years, the United Nations has failed in its mission as a peacekeeper and as a positive driver of democracy. In fact, the UN serves only as a thin veneer of legitimacy and as an enabler for the worst people on the planet. The UN's most notable achievement was realized in their work with the terror group Hezbollah to successfully kidnap Israeli citizens. Yet despite such cleverness, they can't figure out how to deliver food to starving people. The UN sends "rape counters" to Sudan in order to keep score for those back home and then sends their own paid rapists to the Congo. The UN Human Rights Commission is a bad joke that includes the representatives of oppressive regimes in Libya, Cuba and Sudan. The UN expects the US to bear 22% of the organization's costs, but they can't pull themselves together enough to put some heat on the likes of Saddam Hussein, enforce their own resolutions and help us avoid a war. Why? Because many of these "friends-of-ours" have been on the Iraqi dictator's payroll for years, happily slicing their own personal-piece-of-cheese off of the "Oil-for-Food" program. The United Nations' sixty year record of astounding failure, unconscionable treachery and waste makes one wonder if the place needs a reformer like John Bolton, a Special Ops surprise party or a tactical nuclear strike.... But already there's some good news. Less than a week after Ambassador Bolton (now, there's a two word combination that will make Senator Voinovich cry) arrived, a Russian UN official named Alexander Yakovlev was doing the "frog walk." Alex-in-ankle-irons has been stripped of his diplomatic immunity and will plead guilty to charges of wire fraud and money-laundering as a result of the ongoing probe into the "Oil-for-Food" scandal. Yakovlev, the procurement officer for the dicey deal, pocketed over $900,000 in kickbacks from contractors, making him one of the richest Russians on Riker's Island. Next up will be Cypriot Benon Sevan, the director of Saddam's global bribery scheme (and the Secretary General's longtime friend), even though he only pocketed a paltry $147,000. When caught, he claimed the money was a gift from his dead aunt. Benon has already indicated he'll be a stand-up guy and spill his guts by "naming names." Look for this loaf to eventually lie steaming on Kofi's carpet. These are colorful times at the United Nations. It's going to be fun to watch the "reform process" unfold and it should give us a lot to learn from. And maybe, just maybe, when we put enough of these twisted bastards away, we can shut it down, write it off as a bad idea of epic proportions and start associating with a better class of people.... Of note: Peter Jennings, the last of the big three network news anchors, died at home Sunday evening. The cause of death was lung cancer. Dan Rather blamed Karl Rove. Over the course of his 40-year career and his tens of thousands of stories around the world on ABC, Peter Jennings taught us only that we shouldn't smoke.