Some Stuff Just Won't Flush

I prefer my news on single-ply, scented rolls. NEWSWEAK "regrets" that 17 people were killed and scores injured as a result of a fiction reported by the ragazine's Michael Isikoff and John Barry. We all remember Isikoff as the guy who spiked the true story of Monica Lewinsky's flute solo in the Oval Office (Matt Drudge eventually broke that one). Yet he couldn't wait to spill ink and blood with a poorly-sourced and unsubstantiated story of a Muslim holy book being flushed down a toilet by guards at the Guantanomo Bay detention facility. The story was incredible on its face. Flush a bible down a toilet? Anyone who has ever tried to properly dispose of a Michael Isikoff story can tell you that an even-heftier Quran would just clog the can and make a mess of the bathroom floor. The only undisputed, though largely ignored, truth of the story is that captured terrorists at Gitmo enjoy amenities such as modern plumbing they didn't have at home in the cave. The article was so far off (and its consequences so serious) that it's difficult to dismiss as simply shoddy reporting. Now is a good time to examine the agendas of writers who abuse the power of the press. What would drive journalists to incite anti-American fervor and undermine our national interests? Why would they endanger even more of our soldiers and jeopardize the billions we've invested in Middle East freedom?.... We have a winner! If you guessed that Isikoff and Barry are motivated Bush-haters willing to trash U.S. foreign policy and security in order to damage Dubya, you have The University of Connecticut Department of Public Policy to thank for some proof. They found that journalists surveyed picked Democrat John Kerry over George Bush in the 2004 election by a margin of over two to one (my own guess would have been 5 or 6 to 1). Among the UConn poll's conclusions: 70 percent of journalists say the media does a good or excellent job when it comes to accuracy, while just 40 percent of the public agrees. Significantly, 60 percent of the public believes the media is biased in reporting the news. Of the broadcast and print journalists surveyed, Democrats outnumbered Republicans by three to one. There's more, but you get the idea.... No apologies necessary (or legal action possible). The smartest woman in America, (no, not Hillary Clinton) Condoleeza Rice, responded to the Isikof-induced Muslim hysteria with a hollow promise to punish the perps who qlogged the qommode with the Quran. Good luck, Madame Secretary. Thanks to the ACLU and an activist liberal judiciary, anyone in America is free to flame a flag, crap on a crucifix or just plain slime the symbols and sensibilities of anyone they choose without consequence. You couldnt touch 'em even if it did happen, Condi. I'm not saying it's right... I'm just saying that's the way it is. And if you Muslims out there don't believe me, you should call a lawyer and a plumber. They'll both cost about the same. The lawyer will tell you I'm right. The plumber will help you find your book.