Enemies... Foreign and Domestic

Time to sell that '58 Chevy Bel Air on eBayCubano. Jimmy Carter's favorite Carribean crackpot, Fidel Castro, this week generously acceeded to the needs of his people by more-than-doubling the minimum wage in Cuba from 100 pesos ($4.50) to 225 pesos ($10) per month. That's right... per month. Effective May 1, plumbers, carpenters, undertakers and heart surgeons in Cuba will be able to buy that 50's era Norge refrigerator in half the time it would have taken before the raise. And if they can just hang in there a couple more years, the 78-year-old communist dictator has promised they will be able to buy some electricity to make the thing run some of the time. One can only imagine the dreams of young Elian Gonzalez tonight. A scant few years ago he was rescued at gunpoint by the Butcher of Waco, Janet Reno, and spared a life of unspeakable horror in Miami. When she returned him to the peoples' paradise of Cuba, the androgynous Attorney General guaranteed young Elian a crystal-clear future, unclouded by his own aspirations and expectations. Tonight, thanks to Fidel Castro and the actions of a political hack, Elian will curl up in a bed of soiled rags, gaze through the hole in the roof of Dad's tar-paper shack and wish upon the same stars that shine over "what-could-have-been" only ninety miles away.... "Barbarella's Life, so far." Communist sycophant and aging aerobics instructor Jane Fonda left a recent book-signing in Texas sporting a squirt of Skoal, compliments of an unimpressed Vietnam veteran. While the unexpected expectoration could be construed by some as a provocative review of the author's work, it begs an interesting question. Does a 35 year belly full of boiling bile justify launching a loogie at the traitor who aided and abetted your enemy while you and your brothers were fighting and dying on battlefields and in prison camps? Let's just say that Hanoi Jane should be grateful to be wearing a gooey brown necklace instead of a noose... OK, I lost ten zlotys on the Pope bet. Based on today's exchange rate, I'm down $3.04. The new Pope is a German... not an Italian. Fine. But is anyone out there as amused as I am that the media is bemoaning the fact that the guy's a Catholic? You've got to know that, if their liberal bleats gain traction, the next Commissioner of Major League Baseball will be called upon to eliminate strikes, outs, overhand pitching, umpires and scoreboards.... Et tu, George? According to TIME magazine Ann Coulter once said, "There are a lot of bad Republicans; there are no good Democrats." This week's too-long list of bad pubbies is headed by Senator George Voinovich (R-Mars). It seems the President has nominated a flame-thrower named John Bolton to be our ambassador to Kofi Annan's freak show on the East River. The President and Mr. Bolton think the corrupt UN needs some fixin'. Yet, despite taking the time to miss all of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee hearings on the nominee, Senator Voinovich couldn't support him. The reason? He was concerned about Mr. Bolton's "interpersonal skills." Hello? An "interpersonal skills" litmus test for a nominee we're throwing into a third world sewer? Give him a tetanus shot and turn him loose. Apparently, and mostly due to some radio advertising back home ratting out his stupidity, George is now straining to sprout a small pair. He's being forced to choose between a cozy seat at a Christopher Dodd dinner party and the national security interests of his constituents. As we post, the senator from Cleveland is leaning toward supporting Bolton's confirmation. No doubt his vote will be cast more for personal political survival than for any high-minded concern for our sovreignty and safety. But at this point, we just want the right vote. And we're watching you, George.

An Armed Society is a Polite Society

Everyone knows about the "Midnight Ride of Paul Revere." Here's the part of the story they don't like to teach in public school. There's a reason Mr. Revere didn't ride his horse through the countryside shouting, "The Irish are drunk and fighting again!" And the reason is simple. While the Irish may have been annoying, they weren't a threat. It was the British, under the leadership of General Thomas Gage, who had embarked on a campaign to disarm the colonists by enforcing something called the "Boston Port Act." Paul Revere and his pals, The Sons of Liberty, liked their guns so they pushed back. They stalked the general and his red-clad minions, establishing a system for warning their fellow colonists whenever the Brits were on the prowl. It was on this date, April 19, in 1775 that General Gage overplayed his hand by trying to disarm the wrong guys. His actions triggered... literally and figuratively... the Battle of Lexington. And so began the American War of Independence. Hopefully, your history teacher told you who won the war, because I bet he or she didn't spend a lot of time on the British strategy to disarm the colonists, the many important reasons our founders fought or the significance of the Second Amendment.... "Hillary is coming. Hillary is coming." We don't have Paul Revere anymore... but the important work of the Sons of Liberty continues. The NATIONAL JOURNAL has named the National Rifle Association the most effective lobbying organization on Capitol Hill. Second in the survey of 73 lawmakers representing both parties was the "Club for Growth." The NRA lists 4 million well-armed members. Most of them are eligible, registered and passionate voters. And almost every one of them would rather miss a headshot on a home intruder than an opportunity to cast a vote against a gun-grabber.

It Had to Start Somewhere

Many thanks to the late Ray Kroc, who opened his first McDonald's restaurant in Des Plaines, Illinois fifty years ago this week. Just today, Mr. Kroc's American dream fed 50 million people in 31,000 restaurants across 119 countries. Over the past half century, McDonald's has created more jobs, more opportunities and more wealth here and around the world than we can count. And they've done it while giving generously to the communities they serve and providing inspiration to other entrepreneurs and dreamers. The world is better because of Ray Kroc's company... and it's no accident that the best restaurant with the cleanest bathrooms in Moscow was born in the USA. Happy Birthday, McDonald's, and God bless Ray Kroc....Well, we buried THE Pope this week and it was hard not to notice the numbers of lefty presstitutes who couldn't find reason to give this great man any unqualified praise. It was eerily reminiscent of the Reagan funeral of last summer. CNN, The NY TIMES and their ilk never fail to stand on the wrong side of history in their evaluation of facts, events and world leadership. John Paul will be missed. (Ten zlotys say the Vatican goes back to the Italians for another four hundred years.)...Heads up, Joan, here comes the feeding tube. Seems the years have turned Joan Kennedy into (literally) a falldown drunk. Joan is the ex-wife of Senator Ted "The Swimmer" Kennedy (D-Chivas Regal). Before he was known as a bad lawmaker, Ted was famous as the skipper who swam from the USS Oldsmobile when it capsized in the shallow waters of Chappaquiddick over 35 years ago, killing Mary Jo Kopechne. Now it looks like Joan's kids want to take control of her affairs so she won't do something stupid or embarrassing. You know, like drown someone, ski headfirst into a tree, beat somebody to death with a golf club, sell the beach house or otherwise bring shame to the clan. Joan had better be careful. The last family member deemed a liability was Ted's sister, Rosemary. The Kennedys had her lobotomized and put into an asylum until she died.... Tax Tip: It won't save you any money, but it might help your digestion on April 15 to delude yourself into believing that every cent of your '04 taxes bought kevlar, ammo and other necessities for our great military. I like to think all my taxes went to our troops and that Michael Moore is paying for a couple of buildings in West Virginia named after Robert Byrd.