Don Ho, Don's Hos, Hos and Pimps

Say it ain't so! Don Ho, legendary Hawaiian musician and entertainer, died April 14 of a chronic heart condition. He was 76. From its opening in 1965, The Don Ho Show entertained millions of people who flocked to see him in clubs from Honolulu to New York. Ho, of mixed Chinese, Hawaiian, Portugese, Dutch and German descent, is perhaps best known for his easy-listening pop classic "Tiny Bubbles."... It was only a matter of time for Don Imus, the cranky bigot and disc jockey who committed career suicide this week after years of being rewarded for bad taste and even worse judgment. Mr. Imus' career was 41. Reportedly (as this can only be confirmed by the few people who heard Imus in the Morning on CBS Radio or the even smaller number who watched him on cable dwarf MSNBC), the shock jock referred to a predominantly-black team of female athletes as "nappy headed hos." The callous quip was classic Imus: neither funny nor thoughtful. But when he got caught straddling the race and sex rails, the mean-spirited motormouth could only watch as he was hit head-on by the train of race-baiting, self-promoting power pimps rushing to Hymietown to create a crisis and pander for some prime press time. It's good that Imus is gone. He was free to say stupid things and he paid the price for his irresponsible remarks. You say you're sorry, Don? Talk to the hand. There will be no redemption for you. That's reserved for the likes of the Reverends Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton; for their mistakes and for the mistakes of those these holy men see fit to forgive... Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty a ho in Durham, North Carolina will not be charged for falsely accusing three Duke lacrosse players of raping her at a party a little more than a year ago. Despite her lies, the state's attorney general has given stripper Crystal Gail Mangum a pass. She will continue to dance for dough around Durham even though she has criminally-abused the legal system, took three strangers to the brink of ruin and recklessly raised racial tensions on a national scale. How do we know the stripper lied? Her story of the alleged attack changed every time she told it. And though her DNA test swab read like a Ho's Who's Who of the Durham democrat voter base, it didn't identify one member of the Duke lacrosse team. In fact, there was a lot of exculpatory evidence that should have closed this case within days of when it started. But it was ignored. Which brings us to the man pimping Ms. Mangum and her baseless charges from the beginning, suspended (and soon-to-be former) local DA Mike Nifong. Nifong's political ambitions drove him to abuse his prosecutorial power and file false and serious charges against three innocent college students. Why? Because this saga was framed from the beginning by the liberal media to be the perfect storm; a poor, single, black mother brutally raped by rich, white boys while working hard to put milk on the table for her hungry babies. Every camera in the country was trained on Durham. As soon as they were all plugged in and rolling, Jesse, Al and a lot of the usual stir-it-up types did their standard class warfare drive-by. Nifong saw an opportunity to score some easy points with black voters during his primary election. He ratcheted up the rhetoric; calling the Duke students "hooligans" and worse. About that time, Duke President Richard Broadhead was getting heavy lefty pressure in the community and on campus. He folded like a cheap suitcase, rolling over on his students and the lacrosse program. Emboldened by Broadhead's cowardice, 88 liberal faculty members (I know, that's redundant) lobbied loudly for a lynching. The smell of blood was enough for Nifong. He filed charges against three random players without any proof a crime had occurred. He charged them with committing rape and other vicious acts. Why did Nifong let politics interfere with the pursuit of truth? Pick a reason. She's a black stripper and they're white guys who hire strippers; they were students at Duke and she goes to a much lesser school; they take drug tests, she takes drugs; she has kids she can't afford and they come from (gasp) "prosperous" families. In short, these three players represent everything the liberal elite fear and loathe; those whose lives would never make Sweeps Week on Springer. Last week, after more than a year of local non-investigation and obfuscation, the State of North Carolina dropped all charges against the innocent players, saying in the strongest terms that the the idiot prosecutor had run amok with the case. And while much will happen before this drama is done, let's write the Steve's America ending you'll never see in The New York Times (especially if it really happens). Mike Nifong will be disgraced, disbarred, then imprisoned for his criminal conduct. It will only be after many years in prison (and much personal experience) that he will come to understand the true brutality of rape and sodomy. While there is no compensation for the tears, trauma and reputational damage they have endured, the Duke players and their families will end up with huge monetary settlements from both the taxpayers of Durham and from Duke University that will more than compensate them for their legal expenses. The boys will be left with enough money for a lifetime of better parties with better entertainment. They should even have enough left to raise some privileged middies or attackmen of their own who will go on to play for Syracuse. Dick Broadhead will be dusted by Duke as a condition of the financial settlement between the university and the three students. He will be named president of North Carolina Central University where he will hire the 88 by-then-unemployed Duke faculty members who publicly, wrongfully and shamelessly convicted their own students. NCCU is where Crystal Gail Mangum goes to school on a Jesse-Jackson-paid scholarship. Given her busy schedule and many extra-curricular activities, she ought to be a sophomore by the time this all comes down in a couple of years. There just seems to be kind of a sweet symmetry to all of that. Oh, and one more thing... An even-happier ending will be written the day Americans of all colors shun celebrity victimologists like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. These are not leaders in the mold of Martin or Malcolm. They are pimps of fear, bigotry and resentment; political opportunists and extortionists always willing to dance for the man who will pay them the most. Their selective moral outrage has become tiresome and predictable to the point of parody. We all know that whenever bad stuff happens, we can count on these "men of the cloth" to show up in shiny suits and hang around until the last race card has been played and the shakedown check has been written. They're not even good pimps. A good pimp (I'm told) will ensure some level of customer satisfaction for the price he extracts.

The Friend of My Enemy is My Enemy

I can't bear to watch, so I don't. And, according to a recent Rasmussen poll, 94% of Americans feel the same way as I do. But it seems a lot of people somewhere feel differently. And that's okay. But today, I heard through a second-hand source who heard it somewhere from someone, our friends (the Italians) defeated our enemies (the French) in a major kickball game played in Durkadurkastan or Europe or somewhere. Apparently this is kind of a big deal because the final game came at the end of a tournament that is like 11 months long. Kickball, as everyone knows, is a hybrid bastardization of American baseball and dodgeball (with elements of amateur theatre added) that our soldiers taught the natives as we invaded and occupied their countries around the world. Over the years, it has become almost as popular as socialism in some regions. The top teams have uniforms and websites and sponsors and everything... and some players are even treated like rock stars. Kickball is typically played by those who are afraid of (or have no access to) sticks, who prefer to fight with their feet or who just plain haven't got the athleticism for a real sport. But it's long been fine exercise for smallish, frail or uncoordinated people because it's good for them to get outdoors in the fresh air, run around a bit and play. And in kickball, just like in our own public schools, the scores are always low so everyone can feel extra good about themselves when it's all over. We should encourage those who play the game, even if we don't care to watch them play it. Anyway, they have this kickball tournament every 3 or 4 years (kind of like the Special Olympics) and a lot of people probably went to the park to watch the final game if the weather was nice wherever it was. I'm pretty sure if it was broadcast it would be on ESPN 8 or on XM channel 900, but it will most likely be a delayed broadcast to air sometime between a "Girls Gone Wild" infomercial and a Neil Cavuto re-play early in the morning. Most of America won't watch it, of course, but a few will. Whatever. That's okay. It's good to promote understanding of foreigners. And it's always nice to report yet another French loss and to congratulate our friends the Italians for anything. Even if it's something as silly as a kickball game. But if you want any details like the score, you'll have to check the "paper of record"... Everyone knows who they're rooting for. At any other time in our history we'd be hanging the boy publisher Sulzberger by his neck in Times Square (kind of poetic, don't you think?) or strapping him into Ol' Sparky. But today the best we can do is use The New York Times to help us identify our most dangerous foes and our best friends. It's easy once you know their code; they are always on the same page with the people and ideas that are bad for our freedom and security. The Times likes liberal democrats, Hollywood, the ACLU, Osama bin Laden, Cindy Sheehan, communism and the UN. At the same time, the paper is unbridled in its loathing of George W. Bush, the American military, the NRA, Clarence Thomas, capitalism and all of the states between New York and California. In its own twisted way, The New York Times is providing a valuable service for those of us who like to know who our enemies are and what they are doing. It's almost too bad that their circulation and stock value are going down like a laser-guided bomb on an al Qaeda safe house. It will be good to read The Times' obituary in The New York Post, but we already know what the tombstone will say: "Here Lies." Period... This just in! The price of oil still hovers at nearly $75 a barrel. We all know what that means for prices at the pump and, correspondingly, for the President's approval ratings. According to an anonymous Capitol Hill source close to the DNC, Republican puppetmaster Karl Rove has a diabolical plan in motion to turn things around before the mid-term elections in November. According to the lefty leaker, "The White House has been stymied by the price of oil. They can't seem to do anything positive with Iran, and they haven't been able to get any traction to drill ANWR or in The Gulf of Mexico. So look for Rove to take the focus off of oil and put it elsewhere... on the cost of bourbon." The whistleblower continues,"People may be paying over $3 for a gallon of gas, but Rove and Cheney intend to beat the drum about the $112 per gallon they're paying for Maker's Mark. Sometime in early October you can expect a military invasion of Loretto, Kentucky and the occupation of the distillery. It's brilliant, really. I only wish Howard Dean was that smart. Don't tell my friends at The Times that I said that.".... Do you know who your friends are? Joe Liebermann is finding out the hard way. Only six years ago, he and alGore were shoulder-to-shoulder, trying to steal the presidential election on the thin premise that old people in Florida were too stupid to poke a piece of paper responsibly. As the then-vice presidential candidate, Joe was a mere couple of thousand fraudulent votes and a heartbeat from the Oval Office. He was an icon of the democrat party and a friend of socialists everywhere. So why, today, is he running for his political life from a rich Connecticut cableguy? Because, even with a lifetime American Conservative Union score of 8 that should endear him to our enemies everywhere, he's on America's side in the war on terror. And because he cares about the security of our country, he has fewer friends in the democrat party than Tom Delay. Among those who have turned their backs on Joe: thirty-year "friend" Hillary Rodman and the man who invented the internet, the world's weatherman... alGore. This is only going to get better as we get closer to 2008.

Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

The list of "jobs Americans won't do" is long and includes crucial sectors of our economy like construction, food service, agriculture and professional baseball. The demand for people to fill those jobs that slacker Americans supposedly won't do is the reason we're given for over 12 million illegal aliens, mostly from Mexico and points south, living here now (with millions more pouring through our unenforced borders every year). They come on foot, by boat, through tunnels and over the road, often stacked like cordwood in the trunks of beat-up, smoke-belching Buicks with bald tires. They are stealing social security numbers, driving without insurance on counterfeit credentials and they are slowing our nation's fast food drive-thrus to a crawl because they don't have any inclination to learn our language. The illegals are committing crimes every day they are here (some much more serious than identity theft). They've been getting increasingly strident about living "in the shadows," brazenly laying claim to undefined "rights" because they've successfully broken our laws without consequence for so long. Plus they're breeding like Britney Spears, putting enormous strain on our healthcare, education and welfare systems. It's an uncontested invasion that has led us to the brink of lost sovereignty, financial chaos and even more dire possibilities in a post-9/11 world. Some think we should forgive them their trespasses and let them stay. "Give them amnesty and make them citizens," say the politically-correct. But it's always a bad idea to condone crime and it's not fair to the good people who play by the rules; those standing in line to come to America the right way. Others think we should build a border wall and patrol it with troops to keep the bad critters out. Better, but costly. And not the best use of our military. Plus we already have stiff immigration laws on the books that our leaders and protectors have no stomach to enforce. Why should we believe that another law will be the first they would uphold? No. There's an obvious and better way.... The answer is not amnesty, it's annexation! The sad and simple truth in this important debate is that Mexico is a toilet. That's right: unos servicios! Over hundreds of years, they've never even mastered the concept of clean tap water. It's never been a nation of substance that could provide any real opportunity for its citizens or make any meaningful contribution to culture or civilization (with the notable exception of Salma Hayek). That's why the most motivated millions of them move north. Good Mexicans don't want to be Mexicans. They want to be Americans! Any thinking person can understand that. But there are a couple of things we have to get done in order to make that happen... First, we have to tweak that "Manifest Destiny" thing. Thirty minutes and a little paperwork and we've got the moral high ground. Then we'll need a couple thousand National Guardsmen (no reason for the six thousand George Bush has asked for) and a couple of bags of cash to spread around Mexico City on our way to build and protect a wall on the southern border at Guatemala and Belize. That's right. Forget the Rio Grande. Let's just move our border to the south end of Mexico! This can all be done by Independence Day. Think about it. We can bribe the Mexican army to roll over (saving lots of time and ammo) and the border wall will cost peanuts to build as it will only be a fraction of the length of a wall from Texas to California. Not to mention the fact that we won't have to import cheap labor to build it. And with public schools that don't educate, an economy with no jobs, plenty of landfill space, lots of offshore oil and already-corrupt officials at every level of government, Mexico is a natural as our newest state... But how will we fit another star on Old Glory? We won't have to. In fact, the annexation of Mexico will provide benefits that will be felt all across our country. We'll use it as an opportunity to dissolve Massachusetts and divvy up the land between Vermont and New Hampshire. With that one simple stroke of the pen we will not only preserve the design of our great flag, but we will eliminate two especially corrosive senators, making the union that much stronger and safer. But in the end, what does all this really do besides move Arkansas out of last place in virtually every possible ranking of the states? Just imagine the possibilities... Jose, can you see a southbound tsunami of gringo investors, lawyers, English teachers and opportunity? Thanks to The Supreme Court (and "Kelo v. New London"), we have The New York Times' blessing to go about the serious business of liberating/snatching land from owners who aren't using it like they should. With a long coastline on the Gulf of Ameri... I mean, Mexico, as well as on the Pacific Ocean, our newest state will be a developer's dream. In no time at all, our new underclass will have millions of beautiful new homes in gated communities to build and clean. World-class hotels with lots of bedding to change and meals to serve. Soccer stadiums will have to be converted for football. Magnificent casinos, plenty of high-end retail development and endless acres of beautiful lush golf courses... all providing jobs close to home for our newest Americans in their now-native state, Newer Mexico! In a scant few years, the Gulf will have hundreds, if not thousands of stately oil rigs sweeping in a graceful off-shore arc from Texas south to our new border with Belize. The jobs at Halliburton's Yucatan branch alone will feed millions as America becomes oil-independent. And as norteamericanos swarm south to correct centuries of neglect, our new citizens won't have to buy fake IDs or commute hundreds (or even thousands) of miles to work. They'll be able to walk in the sunlight, hold their noses as they vote for bad candidates, bitch about their taxes, look down upon the French and stand in line at the BMV. Just like real Americans.... Statesmen Wanted. Good pay and benefits. No experience preferred. The "jobs Americans won't do" apparently include some important ones in Washington D.C. (And I'm not talking about the Capitol Police allowing yet another drunk Kennedy to endanger the public with his car.) Among those are the jobs of over 60 US Senators who have chosen politics and pandering over their duty to lead and serve the interests of their constituents. They have conspired and compromised to put together over 700 pages of dreadful drivel they say will address the problem of illegal immigration and make us safer at the same time. The more we look at their work, the more it's obvious it will do neither. While the idea of annexing Mexico may be a little crazy, it's not as dangerous as the notion of continuing to ignore our borders during a terror war, as stupid as granting amnesty and citizenship to millions of lawbreakers or as expensive as forcing the rest of us to chin the costs of the special benefits and services the senators hope will buy them the voters-to-be they're courting from south of the border. The only case Bill Frist, Harry Reid and the rest of the "comprehensive immigration reform" crowd have made in this debate is the one for term limits.

The Not-So Funny Pages

That's Allah Folks! More than five months after they were first published in Denmark, a dozen or so not-all-that-artful editorial cartoons continue to inflame the sensibilities of the "religion of peace" around the world. By the tens of thousands (as if they ever show up any other way), Muslims are taking to the streets of Europe, Africa, Asia and the Middle East killing innocent people, burning embassies and demanding the respect for their faith they're unwilling to give to others. In the process, they're leaving little doubt about the not-so-happy ending they've written for their looniest of 'toons. They're intent on being Bluto in order to cow the Wimpy's of the world, take all the burgers and strap suicide bombs on Sweet Pea until every-Olive-Oyl-everywhere is wearing a burka. Meanwhile, Popeye lies in chains on the ocean floor, his spinach just out of reach... The End? Maybe not. Perhaps our European ancestors have had a bellyful of carbecues on their streets. Maybe they don't like being pushed around by rude cleric-cabbies and cleric-clerks. Or maybe they're having a five hundred year flashback and finally recognizing a real and recurring threat to their future: Muslim extremists don't assimilate into free societies. And the nutty haters are breeding little bombers like bunnies, to boot. At this point, the leaders of Europe are publicly clucking about the impropriety of hurtful cartoons in their newspapers. But at the same time, in typically disingenuous Euro-style, officials are quietly coming to grips with the repercussions of multi-culturalism, stupid guest-worker programs and lax immigration policies. They're starting to realize that there's no possibility for peaceful co-existence between secular Europe and Muslim fundamentalism because they have no common ground beyond bad hygiene. The Europeans love pork, wine, women, fast cars and freedom (even if they're not always willing to do the heavy-lifting for the latter). They love life, they appreciate the finer things and they celebrate creativity. Too many Muslims are simply killing time (and people) in this world so they can have their reward in the next. According to Lawrence Solomon of The National Post, Interior and Cultural Ministries of France, Germany and Denmark are now tightening laws and creating new ones that will permit mass deportations of wacky imans and their sinister followers. Sending them back to the sandbox is a good place to start. And it's a lot more than we're doing right now in America... You'll have to find another use for your New York Times if you're looking for the cartoons of you-know-who that raised all the stink. The same goes for most of the other politically-correct, agenda-driven and increasingly irrelevant national mainstream news outlets. That's right, the same papers and magazines that breathlessly brought you pictures and articles of "Piss Christ," the Blessed Virgin in feces and weeks of Lynndie England's "Guards Gone Wild at Abu Ghraib" thought its Muslim readership would be inflamed or hurt unnecessarily if they reproduced those cartoons of he-who-should-not-be-drawn. Was it respect-for-faith that drove the editorial decisions? That didn't seem to cut it for the Christian and Catholic faithful offended by the "art" exhibits-gone-by. Does the press really care about offending Muslims? Not really. Plenty of Muslims (and a bunch of others) were offended by the prison photos. That really leaves editors only two reasons not to publish the offensive cartoons. One: the Wimpy-press is afraid... very afraid... of medieval street justice. Or two: they must have had an even bigger story to cover than a global shooting war replete with religious-based terror, treason, genocidal intentions and increasingly credible threats of nuclear annhilation. You know, like the story of Dick Cheney's hunting accident... With a turn of the cheek unknown in the Muslim world, Harry Wittington, the 78-year-old-rich-white-Republican-Texan-lawyer-and-therefore-most-likely-evil friend of Vice President Dick Cheney met with the press and let the veep off the hook for shooting him while hunting last week. According to Mr. Wittington's account: "Stop callin' it an accident. We do this every year... hunt each other with live ammo, I mean. It's a whole lot of fun. Been doin' it since Dick was down here runnin' Haliburton. And, just for the record, it ain't a 'quail' hunt... it's a 'Quayle' hunt. Named it after that young fella who used to be George's Daddy's vice president. That boy left here with so much birdshot in him one year, he can't get though an airport today." Mr. Wittington went on to chide Mr. Cheney for "only nickin' me" and said that if he (Wittington) was five years younger and "could hold my whiskey like I used to, ol' Cheney would be pickin' BBs out of his butt for a month. Just wait'll next year." Mr. Wittington cheerfully sent his best regards to the Cheney family and thanked the doctors and nurses of the Corpus Christi Hospital for their "excellent care" and "for gettin' me outta here before the ACLU could file suit to have my IV's removed." Look for Newsweak and Time to demonstrate glacier-like agility (and bad news instincts) with next editions featuring incomplete details of the shooting. ABC is said to have a film account of Harry's life in production for sweeps week. FOX is planning a reality series, "Crazy Old Bastards with Guns."

What's Your Legacy?

It was 'Morning in America' twenty-five years ago as Ronald Reagan was inaugurated the 40th President of the United States. Within minutes, the mad mullahs of Iran simultaneously soiled their sacred sheets and had 52 American hostages in a plane eating peanuts and guzzling Cokes on their way home after 14 months of captivity in Tehran. Why? The mullahs understood a new day had dawned in Washington D.C. and they wouldn't be wrangling with the likes of Jimmy Carter anymore. For the next eight years and beyond, America only got better every day. Taxes went down; government became less intrusive. And as people kept more of what was theirs, federal revenues went up. Inflation went away. The government got a little smaller and the military got a lot bigger and stronger. Democracy flourished around the world, communism died and (despite the best efforts of the American Left) the good guys won The Cold War. Over his two terms, liberal pundits assailed Reagan alternately as "a dumb actor," a "senile old fool," and a "maniac" whose lack of nuance would lead to economic and/or nuclear catastrophe. They claimed spiraling budget deficits from military spending would bankrupt the country. Undeterred, President Reagan led America and the world with optimism, good humor, vision and unshakeable faith in the goodness of our people and our system. He communicated with the American people and he connected, advancing his agenda and winning two landslide elections. History has proven Reagan was right and the pundits were wrong as the world became more peaceful and the economic policies of his presidency set the stage for decades of prosperity and growth. He left the greatest legacy of any president of the 20th century not because he sought one, but because he had the courage to do difficult things that were fundamentally good. We still miss him today... It's late afternoon for the Bush legacy as Dubya delivers his State of the Union speech this week. The early betting is that, despite empty threats of a filibuster, new Associate Justice Sam Alito will don his best black dress for a primetime front row seat at the speech where he will be recognized as the newest justice. Any way you look at it, two SCOTUS appointments within one year... in the current political environment... is an extraordinary achievement. While Ronald Reagan was blessed with a loyal opposition party he could work with (Remember the likes of O'Neill and Moynihan?), George Bush has been blessed with one so rabidly partisan, shrill and intellectually dishonest that he pulls out the occasional win in spite of himself (Remember Harriet Miers?). The early indications are that Alito will help tilt the court to the right. Roberts, too. We'll see. Proving he was human, Reagan thought the same thing about the now-departing O'Connor. Unless we can win the War on Terror, kill Osama on live TV, close the borders, indict and convict a Senator or two for treason or slash runaway spending within the next thirty months, Bush's legacy is likely to be the future performance of his high court picks. We'll just have to wait and see... My, oh my...that's a nasty cough, Justice Ginsburg. Sounds like it could be something serious. At your age, that's nothing to trifle with. You don't look good. You should take better care of yourself. You're working too hard. Get some rest. Perhaps it's time for you to consider retirement... write a couple of books... give a few speeches at Columbia... move to France. We appreciate your many years of service. You've taught us America can endure decades of the worst kind of wrong-headed liberal thinking on our highest court. You've given us faith in the resilience of our system of government. And don't worry about us. We've got a wonderful judge who can take your seat on the bench. Her name is Janice Rogers Brown. She's young, healthy and experienced. She'll be around for a generation or so! Just like Roberts and Alito. Except she writes and speaks more like Scalia. And that's nothing to sneeze at. Oh, gesundheit. You really should get that checked out. Now, go... please, Ruth. And take that incontinent commie Stevens with you....

Fowl Politics

Off with his head! The turkey, as many older public school graduates know, is uniquely indigenous to the New World and well-worth some consideration at this time of any year... but perhaps this year more than most. Turkeys have fan-shaped tails and wattled necks. They also have something called a "snood," a flap of skin that hangs from their beak. Hunting turkey has been a popular sport dating back to our earliest settlers. And although long-deemed foolish and easily confused, the turkey is known as a game bird of considerable cunning. The male turkey provides no parental care for his family and the female provides very little; both prefer, instead, to allow their young to run in "broods" (often numbering in the hundreds) along with the offspring of other negligent turkey-parents. Over time, domesticated varieties have lost their ability to breed (they must be artificially inseminated) and have lost much of their ability to forage for food or escape predators. They have devolved to be generally repulsive, foolish, untrustworthy, irresponsible, lazy and dependent. In short, they are Democrats. They deserve everything they get this week and beyond. And while we cut into their numbers every November, it's important to remember the rest of us will always be safer and happier when Democrats, like turkeys, are kept mostly in confined spaces behind adequate fencing where they can't hurt themselves or others. Especially this year, as we consider their potential to foment pandemic death, we should strive to keep their numbers low and never forget: when any contact is made with a turkey or a Democrat, it's always smart to wash your hands.... C-SPAN changed its name to C-SPANK Friday night as the American people (or at least those with nothing better to do on a Friday night) had a chance to watch a special live broadcast of democracy in action from the nation's capital. The plot? Weeks and months of slanderous accusations and irresponsible rhetoric from Democrat leaders (and the presstitutes who carry their water) reached critical mass last week when Congresscritter John Murtha (D-Mosul) called for the immediate withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq. To the surprise of everyone, some Republican had eaten enough Enzyte to stand up and say, "O.K. If you think we ought to cut and run... let's say we vote on it. Let's do it Friday night." And they did. The feathers flew and the snoods were shakin' through a couple of hours of sorry mini-speeches from Democrats trying to convince everyone that "we're loyal Americans" but "the President is a liar," "we support the troops" but "the war is a mistake" and yada, yada, yada. In a remarkable simulation of principled patriotism (and, hopefully, closure) from the entire roomful of assclowns, the final vote was 403-3 to stay the course in Iraq until the job is done. Does their vote on-the-record make a difference to a person who lies for a living and likes it? Probably not, but the vote was a great message to send to our troops, the Iraqi people and (maybe most important) our enemies in the Middle East.... Madonna sent us all a message this week while plugging her new album in an interview with ROLLING STONE. The 47-year-old former virgin, failed actress and now-resident-of-England-not-Detroit demonstrated her grasp of the issues (and sounded a lot like Howard Dean) in stating with some disappointment, "9/11 was just too ambiguous. You couldn't prove how the government was somehow in on the deal." She allowed as how she "was just friggin' devastated on election day" when George Bush was re-elected and that "I'm a lot of fun on morphine. At least I think I am." The '80's diva, publicity hound and Democrat said that those who criticize her or Tom Cruise for the bizarre beliefs or behavior they flaunt for profit and self-promotion should "shut the f--- up." She's right. We should never speak of her again. Pluck 'er!

Oh, non. Pas de nouveau!

L'Amérique nous sauvera! It's likely no other country would or could save them... and we probably shouldn't (given the gratitude we haven't seen in return)... but history shows that whenever the French are deep in the fryer, the American soldier pays the terrible price to buy them some freedom to take for granted for another generation or two. The American Battle Monument Commission was established by Congress after World War I to operate and maintain American military cemeteries and monuments in faraway places around the world. These cemeteries now serve as the foreign-soil resting place for 124,917 American fighting men and women who gave all they had to give liberating France and the rest of Europe twice. (Total U.S. military casualties for WWI and WWII exceed 500,000.) Of the 24 cemeteries maintained by the ABMC worldwide, 11 of them are in France and hold the remains of over 60,000 Americans who died on French battlefields. Those 11 cemeteries also serve as memorials to another 7,063 Americans who are listed as missing, buried in unmarked graves or whose remains could not be identified. There are an additional 26 non-American cemeteries in the Normandy region alone holding the remains of tens of thousands of British, Belgian, Polish and even German soldiers who died in the D-Day invasion. There is one French military cemetery among them. It is at a place called Ecouves (les Gateys) and holds the remains of the 19 French soldiers who died in the invasion to liberate their homeland.... Oh, merde! Ma voiture est sur le feu. That's right, Jacques. While you were sharing your cheese with Saddam and stonewalling the U.S. at the U.N., the "religion of peace" was invading your 'burbs and biding their time. And the other night, while you were watching the Jerry Lewis retrospective on A&E (instead of cleaning your Glock), they attacked. A bunch of angry muslim yoots torched the family Citroen (and thousands like it) and for close to three weeks now they've been lighting up the towns around France like Detroit on Devil's Night. Meanwhile, French authorities have been wringing their hands, clucking about inadequate welfare programs and trying to apprehend the Bic-flicking burka-babies so they would know who to appease. Seriously, what other choice does France have but to surrender at this point? Apparently, there were less than twenty brave men in the whole country... and all of them died in 1944....America is now 22% French/Democrat! According to a Rasmussen Reports survey conducted on Veterans Day 2005, 10% of Americans have "an unfavorable opinion of the United States military forces" and 12% are "undecided." What are the odds that 22% of the survey's respondents would come from Hollywood, the DNC and The Today Show? As stunning and unsettling as it is to think about that many stupid or sinister people in a population of nearly 300 million, Johnny Depp probably won't be moving home from France anytime soon. Fully 78% of the thinking-among-us surveyed by Rasmussen have a "favorable opinion" of our military and 48% of us "consider Veterans Day one of the nation's most important holidays".... Bad News for Bad News. As if reputational hits for shoddy and biased reporting were not bad enough problems for "The Bird Cage-Liner of Record," The New York Times will be cutting 45 newsroom jobs on the heels of the parent company's announcement that profits have dropped by more than half for the third quarter. And it's not just The Slimes taking a dive. The Philadelphia Inquirer just lost 15% of its editorial staff, The St. Louis Post-Dispatch lost 12%. The Boston Globe is dismantling its national staff. The Baltimore Sun has closed two of five foreign bureaus and is shrinking others. And Knight-Ridder's largest shareholder just called for the sale of the company. According to Howie Kurtz of The Washington ComPost, all media stock (print and electronic) "seems to be in a gradual decline-- jounalistically, financially and psychologically." What can we say but, "Schadenfreude." Look it up. It's German. I'm tired of the French.