The Friend of My Enemy is My Enemy

I can't bear to watch, so I don't. And, according to a recent Rasmussen poll, 94% of Americans feel the same way as I do. But it seems a lot of people somewhere feel differently. And that's okay. But today, I heard through a second-hand source who heard it somewhere from someone, our friends (the Italians) defeated our enemies (the French) in a major kickball game played in Durkadurkastan or Europe or somewhere. Apparently this is kind of a big deal because the final game came at the end of a tournament that is like 11 months long. Kickball, as everyone knows, is a hybrid bastardization of American baseball and dodgeball (with elements of amateur theatre added) that our soldiers taught the natives as we invaded and occupied their countries around the world. Over the years, it has become almost as popular as socialism in some regions. The top teams have uniforms and websites and sponsors and everything... and some players are even treated like rock stars. Kickball is typically played by those who are afraid of (or have no access to) sticks, who prefer to fight with their feet or who just plain haven't got the athleticism for a real sport. But it's long been fine exercise for smallish, frail or uncoordinated people because it's good for them to get outdoors in the fresh air, run around a bit and play. And in kickball, just like in our own public schools, the scores are always low so everyone can feel extra good about themselves when it's all over. We should encourage those who play the game, even if we don't care to watch them play it. Anyway, they have this kickball tournament every 3 or 4 years (kind of like the Special Olympics) and a lot of people probably went to the park to watch the final game if the weather was nice wherever it was. I'm pretty sure if it was broadcast it would be on ESPN 8 or on XM channel 900, but it will most likely be a delayed broadcast to air sometime between a "Girls Gone Wild" infomercial and a Neil Cavuto re-play early in the morning. Most of America won't watch it, of course, but a few will. Whatever. That's okay. It's good to promote understanding of foreigners. And it's always nice to report yet another French loss and to congratulate our friends the Italians for anything. Even if it's something as silly as a kickball game. But if you want any details like the score, you'll have to check the "paper of record"... Everyone knows who they're rooting for. At any other time in our history we'd be hanging the boy publisher Sulzberger by his neck in Times Square (kind of poetic, don't you think?) or strapping him into Ol' Sparky. But today the best we can do is use The New York Times to help us identify our most dangerous foes and our best friends. It's easy once you know their code; they are always on the same page with the people and ideas that are bad for our freedom and security. The Times likes liberal democrats, Hollywood, the ACLU, Osama bin Laden, Cindy Sheehan, communism and the UN. At the same time, the paper is unbridled in its loathing of George W. Bush, the American military, the NRA, Clarence Thomas, capitalism and all of the states between New York and California. In its own twisted way, The New York Times is providing a valuable service for those of us who like to know who our enemies are and what they are doing. It's almost too bad that their circulation and stock value are going down like a laser-guided bomb on an al Qaeda safe house. It will be good to read The Times' obituary in The New York Post, but we already know what the tombstone will say: "Here Lies." Period... This just in! The price of oil still hovers at nearly $75 a barrel. We all know what that means for prices at the pump and, correspondingly, for the President's approval ratings. According to an anonymous Capitol Hill source close to the DNC, Republican puppetmaster Karl Rove has a diabolical plan in motion to turn things around before the mid-term elections in November. According to the lefty leaker, "The White House has been stymied by the price of oil. They can't seem to do anything positive with Iran, and they haven't been able to get any traction to drill ANWR or in The Gulf of Mexico. So look for Rove to take the focus off of oil and put it elsewhere... on the cost of bourbon." The whistleblower continues,"People may be paying over $3 for a gallon of gas, but Rove and Cheney intend to beat the drum about the $112 per gallon they're paying for Maker's Mark. Sometime in early October you can expect a military invasion of Loretto, Kentucky and the occupation of the distillery. It's brilliant, really. I only wish Howard Dean was that smart. Don't tell my friends at The Times that I said that.".... Do you know who your friends are? Joe Liebermann is finding out the hard way. Only six years ago, he and alGore were shoulder-to-shoulder, trying to steal the presidential election on the thin premise that old people in Florida were too stupid to poke a piece of paper responsibly. As the then-vice presidential candidate, Joe was a mere couple of thousand fraudulent votes and a heartbeat from the Oval Office. He was an icon of the democrat party and a friend of socialists everywhere. So why, today, is he running for his political life from a rich Connecticut cableguy? Because, even with a lifetime American Conservative Union score of 8 that should endear him to our enemies everywhere, he's on America's side in the war on terror. And because he cares about the security of our country, he has fewer friends in the democrat party than Tom Delay. Among those who have turned their backs on Joe: thirty-year "friend" Hillary Rodman and the man who invented the internet, the world's weatherman... alGore. This is only going to get better as we get closer to 2008.